I'm pretty tired, so I'll keep this one relatively short.  At this point, the doctors are recommending hospice care since at this point, the cancer is terminal, and dad does is not in good enough health to go through the chemotherepy process.  At an estimate, the doctors have given him 1-2 weeks.  4 if he's lucky.  So of course, the sense of urgency is present even more than it was before… well, at least in me.

It seems that Dad really doesn't care too much for making sure that everything is in order before he passes away.   He really doesn't care too much about that, and prefers to just have someone else deal with it.  Namely me.   But at the same time, he procrastinates on the paperwork, so I've pretty much have had to go into a really forceful, and very often pissed off tone just to get him to get his act together.  I find it amazing, that being ticked off over his lack of concern for things has actually overrided my sorrow that I'm going to be losing my father.  I just find it unfathomable that he could really not give a care about his children and family dealing with the financial trouble of funeral costs while funds are tied up in probate.  I've had to voice my opinion on this quite often, and on the last instance, I got so pissed that I excused myself from the room.  The doctors claim that it's a control issue that's causing him to be so triflin, but to be honest, I think I'm just starting to see his true colors.  To explain why I think that would be giving too much personal info, so just trust me on this one.

Word of advice to all.  If you have a family member dying, get the funeral plans, power of attorney's, etc… all situated ASAP.   Believe me, it will cause you a lot less stress later on.  Especially if your parent is the biggest procrastinator in the world.

What's spooky, is that aside from getting irked at Dad's care free attitude, I've been rather non-emotional about the whole thing within the past few weeks.  I guess having an understanding of death as well as my upbringing in an area where death was common, I've just become a bit calloused to it.

Then again, I have yet to lose someone in my "inner circle".  Especially my siblings.

HEH! This isn't surprising