Not too happy today.   Spent a good amount of time in jail earlier this evening.  Which pretty much gave me some story material for my next blog entry.   And I thought it was going to be a boring Monday.  Guess I thought wrong.  This blog entry might contain a bit of pissed off language but I’ll try and keep it clean.

It pretty much started when I got dressed and headed out to evening service.   I leave the apartment complex, turn onto a road, and head up the hill.   Before I know it, I see the cop pulling out.  I didnt’ think much of it since I had on the seat belt, was under the speed limit, and hadn’t done anything to bring attention to myself.  So certainly, this guy wouldn’t have been headed for me.

I guessed wrong….

Before I know it, I’m pulled over,  and looking at the lights in my rear view mirror.   Wondering what in the heck this guy could have pulled me over for.  I quickly recall Chris Rocks’s advice on how not to get your ass beat by the police  and wait calmly for the officer to come to the window and let me know what I possibly could have done for him to pull me over with the red and blue flashing lights.  And even though I wasn’t listening to Rap, I turned the radio down as well.

He comes to the window and mentions that the reason he pulled me over, was that I didn’t come to a complete stop before I made my right turn.   He acknowledged that there was no traffic, that I slowed down, and he saw me look both ways, but because I didn’t come to a complete and absolute stop, that’s a ticket, and it’ll cost me 100 bucks.  Yea…OUCH!

I ‘almost’ had one of those dreaded angry moments where I wanted to really speak my mind when he asked me if I had any questions or anything to say.  The inclination to call him a retard for hitting me up for such a gay traffic violation and giving him a swift kick to the groin would have really made me feel better.  I mean WHO IN THE HELL other than old people, comes to a complete stop at a stop sign with no cross traffic, especially on a road less traveled. That’s like the special ed teacher giving the mentally challenged kid a bad mark for coloring outside the line.   But I maintained a smile, and kept my cool despite the fact that he pulled me over for some cheezy California rolling stop sign crap.   The thought of a thousand fleas infesting his crotch and his arms becoming too short to scratch brought temporary enjoyment and an effective way of curving my fustration with being pulled over.

But here’s where it gets worse.   After 15 minutes of red and blue lights, which have now merged into an irritating purple in my head, another cruiser shows up, and the officer comes back and tells me that I have a warrant from the city of Merriam.  This freaks me out because I haven’t been pulled over in lord knows how long, and I had inquired about my status from the license bureau and my insurance company had also stated that I was in good standing.  And if a greedy insurance company can’t find any dirt on you, well, you just assume that you’re good.   Also, when you have a traffic warrant, your license is suspended and I had just had mine renewed the previous week.   Couple that with the fact that the officers wouldn’t even tell me what it’s for and that Mirriam police were on the way to pick me up started to unnerve me quite a bit.   At that point, they cuffed me.

So here I am, in a suit, and cuffed.  Double handcuffs at that since I was a bigger guy.  The fact that there were two officers and I’m friggin cuffed is really making me wonder what the hell I have a warrant for.  I’m a guy wearing a suit and headed to bible study.  Could I really be that much of a threat? Am I friggin tied to a murder or something? Am I some sort of suspect?  These thoughts were quickly pushed to the back of my head when I realize “Oh crap! I was headed to service! I’m still close to my neighborhood, and this road could be used by some of the fellow Christians that know me!”  So to avoid the embarrasment of being seen by someone that I know, I ask to sit in the back of the cruiser.   Not to mention that the rubber neckers were really starting to irritate me.   White people of Overland Park, I know that a black man getting handcuffed and arrested in your neighborhood is quite “interesting” but let’s cut down on the 5 mile per hour driving and the phone camera’s please.  Thank You!

The officer mentioned that I don’t have to and that I could stand up, to which I quickly replied that I didn’t like standing while handcuffed, and basically sitting on display for everyone to drive by, stare, and speculate on which bank or store I might have robbed, the fate of the poor woman that I might have raped, or who’s car I might have stolen.   The last thing I want is to be the internet’s next youtube video star.  Or having some rumour started about me being public enemy number 1.  I got enough people coming up with enough false crap about me already.

Mirriam police show up, and the officers uncuff me so that the Mirriam officer can cuff me and put me into the back of his car.  Now take note, when I was sitting in the previous cop car, I was just sitting on the edge of the seat, with my feet on the ground.   But at this point, I have to get into the back of the cruiser.   I’m five foot 10, stocky and thick at 255 pounds, and I’m sitting in this seat where the front seat is so far back, I have to sit with my legs Indian style and my weight is shifted onto my arms, which unfortunately, make the cuffs even tighter.  I can now see first hand why those people arrested on COPS are so friggin pissed off when they put them in the back of that cruiser.  Sitting on a hard plastic seat, with absolutely no leg room, and sitting with your handcuffed hands behind your back, which get tighter on your wrists every time you relax.  Never before has the inclination to go bat crazy and evil been so strong.   I’ve had more pleasure standing on the bus stop next to the road where cars zoom by at 45 miles per hour in front of you in zero degree weather.  If I had any Saiyan blood in me, I would have gotten the golden spiked hair, been surrounded by the golden aura, gone completely volatile, and just proceed to beat the crap out of every living and non living thing around me. 

We finally arrive at the Mirriam jail, where I was fingerprinted, had my picture taken, and then placed into a cell.  I found out then that this was for a failure to show up in court for a traffic ticket for tags and insurance. This was a surprise to me because I had JUST renewed my license, had inquired if I had any warrants or anything on my record, and my insurance company didn’t come up with anything either.   So I figured that all of my stuff was clean.   I can only remember being pulled over once back then for my tag and insurance, but it was taken care of immediately, and the judge had dismissed the charges when I went to court.   As far as the holding cells themselves, they pretty much remind of of zoo exibits in a lot of ways.  All concrete except for the toilet, sink and bench.  No bars, just a door and reinforced glass.

I ended up calling my sister to pick me up from the jail.  By the time she arrived I was upbeat, but just irked at the whole process and situation of not knowing about the warrant.  I also couldn’t post my bail because Merriam does cash only.  Who the heck carries 600 bucks around in cash?  Learn to do card processing you stone age hippies!  But the good thing is that I’m out of jail, but I have to show up for court at 11:00 in the morning, which would REALLY suck if I didn’t work night shift.   But I guess I’ll find out and get to the bottom of what’s going on at that time and get it cleared up.

Rolling stop sign ticket = 100 bucks
Bail for arrest = 600 bucks
Giving a piece of my mind the next time the OP department calls for donations = Priceless

Here’s my salute to the OPPD

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